Dreaming of the Sea..... a letter to Tom

"The sea does not reward those who are too anxious, too greedy, or too impatient. One should lie empty, open, choiceless as a beach--waiting for a gift from the sea."

- Anne Morrow Lindbergh

(See this? This is soul-stirring for this crazy wife of yours....)

Dearest one, 

     

  How I feel the need to ask for your forgiveness.... To let you know that I know that I have been a little bit crazy-yelly-monstrous  ...overwhelmed.... lately. Please, please understand that it is not because of you, or in spite of you, or because of things not done. No. Rather, it is this yearning-dreamer heart of mine that gets in the way of daily life. Getting stuck in the rhythm only, and not helping to increase the joy. My life is truly peopled with the most wonderful of human beings. 

     How selfish I feel that I so completely drank in the deliciousness of those 2 days away with you for our anniversary. (17! What?! Weren't you just coming to visit me at college last year?)  The time spent with you was a gift in itself because it again reaffirms who WE are matter. The US is so good. And to take me to the ocean? Perfect....... 

     I kept snapping pictures of these two chairs because, well, they reminded me of us. Windswept, weathered, together. Turning towards the sun and back again to the sea as the wind shifted. 

   So with the ocean in my mind and you on my heart, here is what I have done today..... With every pass of the vacuum, a prayer was whispered. With every toy and random item picked up, there was thanks given......With every sock placed in the washer, I prayed for whomever it belonged to....

~ For you, that you would have peace in your heart. 

~ For Joe, that he would be able to continue to love those who make fun of the quirky delight that he really is. 

~ For Max, that I would never, ever cease to delight in the wonder of his life.....)

     And so, as we continue to look to our God and to each other, I want to say that I do thank you for grounding me...

     Just know that the dreamer-wisher in me? Well. Even though I may talk about the roads I want to travel, or the places-by-the-sea where-I-could-live, what I truly desire is to have you alongside me for the ride for forever. Maybe I haven't told you enough, but dreaming of the sea does me no good if I cannot have you there....

With all of my heart, for forever,

~mj

p.s. Um. Here is the perfect example of life lived joyfully. As I type this, Max is on my lap with sticky peanut butter hands laughing at the picture above. "Daddy walking. Bye!!!" Pure joy here. Truly.