Dreaming of the Sea..... a letter to Tom

"The sea does not reward those who are too anxious, too greedy, or too impatient. One should lie empty, open, choiceless as a beach--waiting for a gift from the sea."

- Anne Morrow Lindbergh

(See this? This is soul-stirring for this crazy wife of yours....)

Dearest one, 

     

  How I feel the need to ask for your forgiveness.... To let you know that I know that I have been a little bit crazy-yelly-monstrous  ...overwhelmed.... lately. Please, please understand that it is not because of you, or in spite of you, or because of things not done. No. Rather, it is this yearning-dreamer heart of mine that gets in the way of daily life. Getting stuck in the rhythm only, and not helping to increase the joy. My life is truly peopled with the most wonderful of human beings. 

     How selfish I feel that I so completely drank in the deliciousness of those 2 days away with you for our anniversary. (17! What?! Weren't you just coming to visit me at college last year?)  The time spent with you was a gift in itself because it again reaffirms who WE are matter. The US is so good. And to take me to the ocean? Perfect....... 

     I kept snapping pictures of these two chairs because, well, they reminded me of us. Windswept, weathered, together. Turning towards the sun and back again to the sea as the wind shifted. 

   So with the ocean in my mind and you on my heart, here is what I have done today..... With every pass of the vacuum, a prayer was whispered. With every toy and random item picked up, there was thanks given......With every sock placed in the washer, I prayed for whomever it belonged to....

~ For you, that you would have peace in your heart. 

~ For Joe, that he would be able to continue to love those who make fun of the quirky delight that he really is. 

~ For Max, that I would never, ever cease to delight in the wonder of his life.....)

     And so, as we continue to look to our God and to each other, I want to say that I do thank you for grounding me...

     Just know that the dreamer-wisher in me? Well. Even though I may talk about the roads I want to travel, or the places-by-the-sea where-I-could-live, what I truly desire is to have you alongside me for the ride for forever. Maybe I haven't told you enough, but dreaming of the sea does me no good if I cannot have you there....

With all of my heart, for forever,

~mj

p.s. Um. Here is the perfect example of life lived joyfully. As I type this, Max is on my lap with sticky peanut butter hands laughing at the picture above. "Daddy walking. Bye!!!" Pure joy here. Truly.

(A little bit more than) Five Minute Friday ~ {Joy}

For our 16th Anniversary ~ 


My dearest Tom,
Can you even begin to know the joy that you bring to my heart? To my life? To my spirit? No matter what happens in our day to day life together, I always love hearing your voice and your sweet way of making me feel that I am the only person in the world that you want to talk to. Your "Hey, Honey" makes my heart sing. 


And yes, you bring me JOY.


Remembering back to our wedding day, and seeing your adoring face at the end of the aisle. Waiting for me. You were all that I saw. And your face...it radiated JOY. How I love that our Nuptial Mass with all of the readings and prayers and joy-filled songs that we chose together made our commitment a truly joyous celebration of our love. Our faith. Our connectedness to the God who brought us together, and to the holy host of others in that Communion of Saints. I clearly remember so many small moments of that day. 


The touch of your hand. 
The sweet whispered reminders of "it's just us. getting married. TODAY!"
The sound of your voice when you spoke vows directly to me.
The feel of you next to me as Paige sang "Ave Maria" as we knelt before the Blessed Mother. Together. As one. JOY.


(And our boys? Well. Talk about a whole lot of joy-filled goodness there. Our gifted by God children who continually make me laugh because I can see the silly you in them. JOY.)


And finally, I thank you for all of the ways that you have helped me navigate through this often scary world. So many moments of fear. Of just "not-knowing". Of broken dreams and brokenness. Somehow, you help me to laugh and cry at the same time so that the fear slides away and I can see that WE are so much stronger together. I can honestly say that I recognize how young we were and how it all could have gone wrong. But thank GOD that we have grown together. Grown in love. And yes, grown in JOY.


I thank my God for you, for you are indeed the "visible reminder of the invisible God." My own "Discovery" gift. :)


My life is yours, my love, for now and for forever. Joy indeed.


With all of my heart,
~MJ

**A thousand pardons for taking more than 5 minutes today. SO much joy is in my heart, and this is just a fraction of what I need to/ want to say.....

Won’t you link up with us?

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.

2. Link back here and invite others to join in.

3. Go a little overboard encouraging the writer who linked up before you.

Five Minute Friday ~ {Still...mine}

Ahhhh. We made it!
It's Friday.
Sharing with The Gypsy Mama at inCourage today. The prompt is:  STILL

And still it's you.
I would choose you every time.
Still after all of these crazy fun wonderful scary years.

Still.

Despite the incredible hurts
overwhelming pains
flowing tears
crushing fears...

Still.

For when my heart is thumping with fear and the world closes in and I just can't take it...
you grab my hand
and I go....

Still.

As we look at our boys
and worry
and wonder
and delight for all that they are and all that they mean
it's such a joy to just be

Still.

And know.

For still our God reminds me of His grace
in your smile
with your touch
as I hear the laughter and silliness of our children

Oh how I adore you.
For...

Still you are mine.

Still.