|Chicken Vegetable soup|
However, there is another warmth that I have clung to recently.... that of friends and family. My dear friend Whitney, who had sweet baby Molly on December 20th, knows just how to comfort.
On Tuesday, after I dropped Joe at school (and said a prayer that he would have a wonderful day) Max and I headed to Whitney's for the day. To spend time in her company is healing and feels like home. As we sipped coffee and ate cinnamon muffins, I talked her ear off about my hopes and fears and concerns about my Joe. Oh, he's doing o.k. at school, but there is still that nagging pull at this mama's heart that says... something isn't connecting. Whitney has know Joe while in the womb, so I trust her vision and perception. And doesn't it help to talk through things with others who know us... especially ones who will be honest? The ones who say, "well, i DO remember when..." or "hmm. i see why you are scared".
It was then that it hit my heart like a sword. I know that no one else has the answers, but dear GOD how good it feels when someone is willing to LISTEN. To offer comfort in the form of a hug or words, or a simple, "but you know that we love him, right?"
Isn't that what God is whispering too? "You know that I love him, right?" Despite the quirkiness? Despite the quietness? Despite the confusing array of symptoms that "aren't quite right"? I need to listen harder to that whispering. My worry has caused me to feel so paralyzed at times. Paralyzed and scared. I look in the mirror and don't recognize who that person is looking back at me... This person who whispered quiet prayers and not-so-quiet prayers to God BEGGING for a child. SO. This child. This one that is my first, my gift, my world.. needs me to continue to look to God for guidance. To look to God for comfort. To never give up. To possibly find an answer to this puzzle of social awkwardness and yet moments of incredible insight and care and concern for others. These days of being uncertain are all part of the journey. I know that. But oh. How rocky this journey sometimes is!
And that is why I am grateful for the gifts that I see around me. Snuggling with a new baby, laughing like crazy at Max's silliness, talks with a genuine friend, and yes, the food that is from His bounty.
I also wanted to feed Whitney and her family, so while she took the baby to the doctor and while Max played at my feet, I made them a steaming pot of potato bacon chowder. I tweaked this recipe a little, since I didn't add the cheese. I did, however, blend about half of the soup to make it creamier, since there was no milk or cream... So delicious.
(After all, I had to feed Whitney after she helped to feed my heart.... It was the very least I could do.)
And here is a picture of sweet Molly.... God's gracious gift indeed....
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