Take direction from the Gypsy Mama :
Take a deep breath. You made it. It’s Friday.
Got five minutes? Let’s write. Let’s write in shades of real and brave and unscripted.
Let’s just write and not worry if it’s just right or not.
1. Write for 5 minutes flat for pure unedited love of the written word.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Get a little crazy with encouragement for the five minuter who linked up before you.
As I take a deep breath at the end of this wonderfully and overwhelmingly beautiful day, I take a look back at what transpired and smile. And also want to weep uncontrollably. As I perused curriculum at the local Home Educator's convention and chatted with wonderful homeschooling mama's (and dad's!) I feel that I have stepped backwards into my shell of self-doubt and "whatintheworldamidoingLord?". ... I know that it is sensory overload (and realize that just like my darling son, Joe, I, too, get overwhelmed with tons of noise and lights and want to just retreat. Go backwards.) ... But i KNOW that I need to keep going forward. To go toward the light of fulfillment instead of sinking into the darkness of doubt.
And so, for comfort, for strength, I look back to what has brought me here. To parenthood. To the care of other human beings. To marriage. To Tom. To the other half of us, the other half of me. And I realize with a rush of gratitude that I am not alone. It really amazes me how much I rely on his encouragement and support (and by rely on, I mean cling-to like a life-raft)... He has not only listened to me and talked with me, but has decided that he really wants to teach Math. (Insert applause track here...as Math is my least. favorite. subject. ever. Go for it, darlin'.)
So really, looking backwards at all this doubt and worry? I'm going to give it one last look, breathe a prayer of thanks for my husband, grab tightly to his hand and his heart, and then turn around and face forward. For together, I realize that it makes walking on this rocky uneven path so much more comforting. So much more life-giving. And I can focus on the dawn of what's to come....
*~*~*~* Ok, so looking at the grammar above, I am glad that it is just a free-write and not being graded for elements and style. Whew... :) Kind of interesting, too, that I wrote this at the end of my day when I usually rush to write in the morning.