Take a deep breath. You made it. It’s Friday.
Got five minutes? Let’s write. Let’s write in shades of real and brave and unscripted.
Let’s just write and not worry if it’s just right or not.
1. Write for 5 minutes flat for pure unedited love of the written word.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Get a little crazy with encouragement for the five minuter who linked up before you.
START
As I take a deep breath at the end of this wonderfully and overwhelmingly beautiful day, I take a look back at what transpired and smile. And also want to weep uncontrollably. As I perused curriculum at the local Home Educator's convention and chatted with wonderful homeschooling mama's (and dad's!) I feel that I have stepped backwards into my shell of self-doubt and "whatintheworldamidoingLord?". ... I know that it is sensory overload (and realize that just like my darling son, Joe, I, too, get overwhelmed with tons of noise and lights and want to just retreat. Go backwards.) ... But i KNOW that I need to keep going forward. To go toward the light of fulfillment instead of sinking into the darkness of doubt.
And so, for comfort, for strength, I look back to what has brought me here. To parenthood. To the care of other human beings. To marriage. To Tom. To the other half of us, the other half of me. And I realize with a rush of gratitude that I am not alone. It really amazes me how much I rely on his encouragement and support (and by rely on, I mean cling-to like a life-raft)... He has not only listened to me and talked with me, but has decided that he really wants to teach Math. (Insert applause track here...as Math is my least. favorite. subject. ever. Go for it, darlin'.)
So really, looking backwards at all this doubt and worry? I'm going to give it one last look, breathe a prayer of thanks for my husband, grab tightly to his hand and his heart, and then turn around and face forward. For together, I realize that it makes walking on this rocky uneven path so much more comforting. So much more life-giving. And I can focus on the dawn of what's to come....
STOP
*~*~*~* Ok, so looking at the grammar above, I am glad that it is just a free-write and not being graded for elements and style. Whew... :) Kind of interesting, too, that I wrote this at the end of my day when I usually rush to write in the morning.
Nice! New homeschooler? I'm a proud homeschool grad. And YAY for dads that teach math! =)
ReplyDelete(visiting from Five Minute Friday!)
Love the looking back to what has brought you here...love that you have a partner you call your life raft. Sweet.
ReplyDeleteMaybe this journey is really about you facing your worries more than about homeschooling? At least you have the whole blogging world of homeschoolers to read and offer you help. I know you can do it!
ReplyDeleteMary Jo, you will do great! There will be days...as they are in anything you take on. But you will love it and you have lots of support so reach out when you feel like ugh, I can't do this.
ReplyDeleteBlessins!
Oh, that was wonderful! And you will do a FABULOUS, STUPENDOUS, WONDERFUL job!! :) Remember: lots of little baby steps add up to a huge distance covered. It's just a matter of continuing to move forward, even if it feels like only inches at a time. The sum total of all those steps will amaze you! :)
ReplyDeleteI love the way you talk about the marriage covenant as a partnership. Sometimes I find myself getting all caught up in the what I have to do for the kids ... when it's really more about what we need to do. It's hard when you're a SAHM because you take your work to bed with you and wake up to it, too. There's not much respite until we remember that God gave us partners for a reason! Thanks for sharing this with such honesty!
ReplyDeleteYour words are so encouraging. It is not always easy to go toward the light of fulfillment instead of sinking into the darkness of doubt. However, with God's help we can and do succeed. I love how you honor your husband in this post. God wants husbands and wives to honor each other. God bless you!
ReplyDeleteHi! I linked to your blog through one of the homeschool emails...you have a great blog and I your writing on this subject brings up very familiar feelings :) I know that many homeschoolers start with the ancients and we may be doing that as well but I wanted to give you some other encouragement to not stress too much! You are doing the right thing for your family by homeschooling and your son will learn more than he probably would at school anyway! I have been amazes how much my son has learned this past year. We tested very early to get itdone since I was having a baby in march. Even with all the breaks and interruptions he has learned lots. You'll do great! We should get together sometime and let the boys play and we can talk homeschool strategies :)
ReplyDelete