As I ponder Elizabeth's post about courage, I need to be honest with you and tell you of the fear gripping my heart, body, and soul at the moment. Currently 6 1/2 weeks pregnant, I am completely overjoyed, but so completely nervous. I am worried because I am having symptoms that I have never had before....and this leads to worrying about losing this baby, like I have done once before. In 16 years of being "open to life", we have two beautiful children, and one waiting with God.... And so I worry.... Believe me, I am certainly not proud of it, and know that nothing comes from worrying (except loss of time with the ones that I call most dear).
One of our favorite priests, at the Our Father, says, "...protect us from all NEEDLESS WORRY AND ANXIETY...". It has always struck a chord with me, because I believe that sometimes, it feels as though I run on fear. I often come to Tom and say, "OK. I need your help. Help me to settle, come pray with me....". (I don't think that he had any idea of the often-times complete and utter mess that he was marrying, but he has come through like a champion. My champion.) I KNOW that I need to let go.... And oh, does that take courage!
So I have been taking it to prayer, like I do most things. Misty has a beautiful Litany of Humility that has helped me to center. To somehow give up that truly human way I have of praying for what I need, what I desire.... I spend a lot of time in prayer asking for forgiveness because I don't trust like I should....And yet...
In my heart of hearts, I know that whatever may happen, Jesus is right there crying or rejoicing right along with me...if I only have the courage to allow him to walk with me.
Come along and join us in taking those small steps here: